I glanced at my watch as I weaved the cart between old ladies and children. Right on schedule — ten minutes to get checked out and drive over to pick up my daughter. I scanned the checkout lines until I found a conveyor with some empty space — the checker was just scanning the last item. I veered in behind the previous shopper, lifted my cargo onto the belt, and whipped out my debit card.

“$54.50,” said the checkout lady to the slightly overweight, very young lady — too young to be juggling one child in her arms with another in a stroller.

“Oh wait,” she said, and began to pull items out to be removed from her total: first the cola, then the cupcakes. Yeah, honey, you don’t need those. Couldn’t you keep a running total while you were shopping? Oh yeah, I guess you were distracted by all your offspring. Now I’ll probably be late for my daughter, thanks to your lack of planning.

“$47.80.” Still not enough. Reluctantly, a package of ground beef and some broccoli left the ensemble. Doesn’t she realize that she’s holding me up? Then, a pang of guilt. Look at me, in such a hurry to checkout with my case of champagne — so I won’t be a few minutes late picking up my daughter from ballet. I have it so hard. And here she is, just trying to make ends meet.

But why not? (says the capitalist in me) I’ve worked hard to get where I am and to be able to enjoy just a few of the finer things. And what series of bad decisions led this woman to her present misfortune? Alone with children at such an early age — she probably doesn’t have a job.

Today’s economy. Perhaps she did have a job that recently evaporated. She might be a Navy wife, with a husband on extended duty. It doesn’t take much to upset most people’s finances. In the recent mortagage crisis, we were lucky — one additional bad credit decision could have spelled the loss of our home.

In fact, most of what I have accomplished in my career and finances resulted from making a good choice when a bad one seemed just as good at the time. Call it luck. And I hate to see her have to give up the beef and broccoli — that’s good food.

So I leaned over to her, handed her a $20 bill, and said quietly, “Maybe this will help.”

Her eyes widened with surprised joy, then turned aside in shame. “No, I couldn’t. Thank you very much, though.”

“C’mon,” I said. “You’ve got a family to feed, right? Just take it.”

She looked back hopefully, trying to make out in my eyes whether it really would be OK to accept.

“Oh, thank you! Nobody’s ever done that for me before. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I noticed with some satisfaction that she took back the beef and broccoli, and left out the cupcakes and soda. She offered me the change, but I waved it back at her. She thanked me again, gathered up her groceries and her children, and hurried toward the door. As the checkout lady began to scan my bottles, she called to one of her assistants in a voice that was calculated to get her attention without alerting anyone else, “Check her.”

In response to my puzzled expression, she explained, “That one’s in here a lot, and things seem to go missing.”

I didn’t know what to think. Suddenly, my first opinion of her seemed confirmed — even augmented. Or was the checkout lady unduly suspicious of her because she was poor — maybe also resentful of the extra time she took checking out? Had I aided a minor criminal? Would my act of kindness encourage her to reform?

No matter. I had achieved my purpose: getting her through checkout, and out of my way.

After taking last year off, the PAR 4 Kids’ Sake Annual Golf Tournament and Banquet is coming back on June 9th at the Castlewood Country Club in Pleasanton, CA. This event benefits autism research, special education, and other special needs. From the newsletter:

The proceeds will go to the following:

1) The M.I.N.D. Institute to help their efforts in finding a cause and a cure for autism.

2) Special Ed Teacher Grant Program for teachers in the East Bay.

3) Exceptional Needs Network, a local non profit that organizes overnight camps for children with special needs at The Taylor Family Foundation’s Camp Arroyo in Livermore.

The M.I.N.D. Institute has been churning out study after study on the causes and treatment of autism. One of these days, they’re going to crack the code. To date, the PAR 4 Kids’ Sake Tournament has raised more than half a million dollars for the Institute and the other programs listed above.

Cindy and Eric Everson, the founders and organizers of this tournament, are very good friends of my wife and I. In fact, they pretty much brought us together. They have two autistic children. I don’t have any idea where they find the time and energy to run this tournament, but we should all show them our support.

If you’ll be in the Bay area and would like to participate in the festivities, you can register here. Or you can just send a donation if you prefer. If you’re really generous (and would like some good PR), you can become a sponsor.

I wonder if the Oakland Raiderettes will be back this year?

From Jannet Borrmann of PAR 4 Kids’ Sake:

Autism Speaks created a music video of the Five for Fighting song, “World”, which features images of children with autism and their families. It is a truly moving video and was the work of Bill Shea. The band is generously donating $0.49 to Autism Speaks for *each time* the video is viewed – the funding goes toward research studies to help find a cure. When you have a moment, please visit the link below to watch the video and pass it along to your friends and family. They are aiming for 10,000 hits, but hopefully we can help them to surpass this goal.

View the video

Autism Speaks

Comment spam gets stranger by the day.  Today I received this nice comment on my OPML blogroll widget page:

Please, do not delete the given message. Money obtained from spam will go to the help hungry to children ugand

Yeah, right, I’m sure.  Into the spam bucket with you.

Better to be honest, like the disheveled fellow on the street with the sign that says “Need money for beer.”  I always give that guy a dollar.

As a rule, I don’t advertise in the content of my blog, but this is a cause I care about deeply. I donated and I maintain the web site for this worthy cause, because autism affects someone I love.

If you care about autism research, you can help. If you like to golf, you can even have fun doing it. It’s almost time once again for the Par 4 Kids’ Sake Annual Golf Tournament on June 12, 2006 at Castlewood Country Club in Pleasanton, CA. Proceeds from the tournament and related activities benefit autism research at the U.C. Davis M.I.N.D. Institute. We’ve raised almost $400,000 in previous years!

Lots of ways to get involved, and not all of them require that you demonstrate your golfing skills. From as small as buying a $20 raffle ticket to as huge as a Diamond Tournament Sponsor, there’s something for every budget.

Of course, you can be a golfer in the tournament (if you sign up before all of the slots are full), and have your fairway drinks served by the Oakland Raiderettes.

For more information, visit the web site.