Chip's Quips
A tiny spark of wit for a highly flammable world

Chipping the web: June 30th

June 30th, 2009 12:00:15 pm pst by Sterling Camden

Chipping the web

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Chipping the web: June 29th

June 29th, 2009 2:00:09 pm pst by Sterling Camden

Chipping the web

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Chopin’s Opus 10, No. 3

June 29th, 2009 12:23:51 pm pst by Sterling Camden

Yesterday as I was driving to Costco I listened to A Prairie Home Companion on KUOW. The show featured Steve Martin on the banjo, but what really caught my ear was a countryish song by a performer I don’t recall.  Garrison Keillor sang tenor behind the beautiful female lead who put words to a tune that I instantly recognized:  the first 20 bars or so of Chopin’s Etude Opus 10, No. 3.

That melody continues to grip my emotions every time I’ve heard it since the very first time when I was five years old and my mother bought us an LP of The Great Composers – which included excerpts from works by Bach, Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven, Mendelssohn, Chopin, Brahms, and Tchaikovsky combined with the stories of their lives (Disneyfied, naturally).  My sister and I wore the grooves out of that LP from playing it over and over again on an old Magnavox turntable, so every passage sparks an immediate recognition whenever I hear it again – but none of them affect me quite the same way as this little etude by Chopin.

Chopin himself said of this etude, "In all my life I have never again been able to find such a beautiful melody."

The melody appears deceptively simple – like much of Chopin’s work.  It starts out climbing the E scale a measure at a time, repeating the same basic pattern in each measure.  But it suddenly skips over the dominant to seize the sixth – and then drops back down to the tonic.  Next comes a little section that toys around with B minor, to dutifully end the second phrase in the dominant.  The first phrase is repeated, but then detours with growing intensity and angst through dissonance and accidentals that touch on at least four different keys, seeming to urgently ask some great question, before resolving into a glorious E major chord that suspends the melody high on the major third – either affirming or perhaps only wishing earnestly for some eternal answer, before taking its lyrical journey back down the E major mountain until it quietly reaches its tonic home.

When I hear this melody, I wonder if I’m really a Romantic at heart after all, despite my love of Nietzsche and my yawns at Brahms.  Chopin’s intense yearning, expressed with such unaffected genius, almost makes me want to believe in the eternity of love and the soul.  Almost.

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The winning season

June 27th, 2009 4:12:22 pm pst by Sterling Camden

“OK guys, today we’re going to choose up softball teams for the rest of the school year.”

Mr. Doss was my sixth grade homeroom teacher, but he also taught PE for the boys in our three-classroom rotation – enough boys for four teams of nine or ten boys each.

“We’ll keep track of team records, and declare a champion team at the end of the year.”

“It sure won’t be mine,” I thought.  I wasn’t very good at softball.  My eye condition made both hitting and catching difficult, and years of hearing the laughter at my comical performances had convinced me that’d I’d never be any good.  I knew I’d be picked near the end of a roster — but no matter where I came up in the batting order, it would be the wrong time to send old Chip to the plate.   PE was destined to be a torment for me for the rest of the year.

Sandy Witcher chose me seventh on a team of nine.  Not bad, I thought.  In fact, I felt downright complimented.  Even though the guys after me were pretty pathetic, the one just ahead of me was a decent hitter.  Sandy, the captain and lead-off hitter, was quite an athlete – and he was also a really nice guy.  He never made fun of anyone, and never felt like he had to show off his own talents.

The first game we played, Sandy stepped up to the plate and hit a home run on the first pitch.  Next came Glenn Dalton, who got on base with a single.  Tim Doss also got a hit and put Glenn on third.  Then Barry Dalton hit a home run.  Philip Keesee and Victor Franklin followed with a hit each.

Then I came to the plate.  Somehow I managed to hit the ball, but it dribbled on the ground out to the pitcher and I was thrown out at first.  I was dejected as I walked back to the bench, but Sandy said, “Great sacrifice, Chip!”  Not knowing much about the game, I thought at first he was being sarcastic, but he corrected my attitude.  “You drove in a run – that’s how we win the game!”  Philip came over and slapped me on the back, “Thanks for getting me home!”  All of a sudden, I felt a lot better.

The next two guys struck out to end the first half of the inning, but we were ahead 5-0.

I played in left field, but I never even had a chance to screw up – Sandy struck out the side.  After five innings we were ahead 24-0, and Mr. Doss (who was the umpire) called the game on the mercy rule.  I didn’t get a hit the whole game, but it hardly mattered.  My outs were almost a relief to my team, for otherwise the innings might never have ended.

Before the next game, Sandy told us not to get cocky.  The team we were to face looked strong — they had soundly beaten their previous opponent.  But we slaughtered them.  And I actually managed to get on base, with a fielder’s choice.  Not ideal, but it was only the first out and I was able to survive the next two batters.  Top of the order with two outs, Sandy took the bat and drove me home.  It was the first time I had ever crossed home plate in any game in my softball career.

The winning grew infectious.  Everyone on the team became better players, even we three at the end of the order.  Our opponents, on the other hand, were often defeated before the first pitch was thrown.  We won every game that season, and never by less than five runs.  I even started to get a hit every other game or so, as did the guys who came after me.  Once when our ninth batter Oscar (who had started out the year with a vertical axe-chopping downswing) hit the ball solidly, I thought “Wow! He’s really learned how to hit.  Hey, so have I!”

The last game of the year was more of a team celebration than a contest.  As each of our batters came up, we cheered him with memories of his past accomplishments and encouraged him to hit one more for old times’ sake.  When I stepped into the box in the top of the last inning, I heard the other guys all cheering me on, and thought about what a magical year it had been.  I had gained so much confidence in just a few months.  It struck me suddenly that that was the only difference between the loser I had been and the player I had become:  confidence.  We expected to win, and we did.  Unlike in the past, my teammates didn’t expect for me to lose the game for them – they expected me to do well, and I could!

The next pitch came before I could think about it, and I instinctively swung.  “Ping” went the aluminum bat, as I felt the full force of Newton’s Third Law in my wrists and arms.  The softball shrank away into the sky.  I watched in disbelief and heard my teammates’ voices rise in exhortations to “Run, Chip! Run!”

But there was no need to run.  The ball cleared the fence by no more than a whisper – a whispered “please” from deep within a boy who had never before hit a home run in his life.

The other team couldn’t understand the celebration – after all, we were already ahead by 12.  They didn’t know why the whole team ran out to tackle me at home plate as if I’d just hit a walk-off to win the game.

But we knew – we knew all about that we.  And we all knew that a far more important contest had just been won.

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Chipping the web: June 26th

June 26th, 2009 10:00:29 am pst by Sterling Camden

Chipping the web

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Chipping the web: June 25th

June 25th, 2009 10:00:03 am pst by Sterling Camden

Chipping the web

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De regni animalis

June 24th, 2009 12:36:07 pm pst by Sterling Camden

The dogs and I took a detour from our usual morning walk to visit a neighbor’s new cows – two Dexter heifers intended for milking.  The Dexters aren’t much bigger than our two Labradors, and they viewed Harry and Halley suspiciously from the safety of their fenced pasture.  For some reason, the dogs didn’t seem interested in chasing them – apparently they identified them more with sheep than with deer.

image On our way back, I spotted the neighborhood’s Pileated Woodpecker.  We often hear his rapid drumming on the many dead trees in the surrounding forest, but we rarely get a good look at him. This time he drifted across the road about two feet over the pavement and landed on a cedar in the lowlands on the north side.  When I heard the familiar drumming coming from the south, I turned and saw his double!  It’s the first time I’ve ever seen two woodpeckers together.  I didn’t know then how to determine their sex, so I don’t know if they were mates or competitors.  But thinking about woodpecker sex reminded me of one of my great-grandfather’s favorite rhymes:

Woodpecker pecked on the woodhouse door
He pecked and he pecked ‘til his pecker got sore

My great-grandfather was not known for coarse humor – or any humor, really.  But my Dad said he would always laugh heartily after reciting that one.

Speaking of avian identification – now that the robins are out in full force, we’ve noticed a few smaller birds among them that look like mini-robins, except that the head and back are black rather than gray, and they have little white spots on their shoulders and a large white spot on the breast.  After searching whatbird.com, I believe these to be Spotted Towhees.

Both of our dogs are now on medication.  Halley takes Benadryl for her allergies, and Harry is on Melatonin to treat Alopecia.  He has two strangely identical regions of hair loss on either side, between his ribs and his hips.  The vet conducted a blood panel to rule out various diseases, and suggested we give Melatonin therapy a try.  Fortunately, Melatonin is relatively inexpensive, and it’s a simple matter to get a Labrador to swallow anything smaller than a softball.  Labradors put the “omni” in “omnivore”.

Food is a long-standing common bond between humans and their canine companions, and dogs never feel more useful than when they can help us to acquire a meal.  Once when I was a wee lad, my grandparents’ hound dog (whom we called Laddie, but my aunt called Hamlet) brought a freshly killed rabbit up to the house.  My sister and I cried over the poor thing, but my grandparents skinned him and cooked him for dinner.  I had to admit that he was pretty tasty, whatever his relationship to Peter Cottontail or the Easter Bunny.

Not that we were unused to our place in the food chain.  My sister and I often named and loved the calves that we eventually saw loaded into the pickup truck to be taken to the slaughterhouse, and we were well aware that the beef we later consumed came from their flesh.  I’m reminded of the bear rituals of the indigenous Northern cultures, in which a bear that has been raised as a member of the family is finally slaughtered for its meat, often with apologies to the bear.

Once when I was about five years old, I ran into my grandparents’ house after being chased by a large Leghorn rooster.  Those things can get pretty mean – they’ve been known to peck the eyes out of small dogs.  When I told my grandfather about my encounter, he said not a word (he hardly ever did).  But we had chicken for dinner that night, and I’ve never enjoyed more my status as a carnivore.

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Chipping the web: June 22nd

June 22nd, 2009 6:00:02 pm pst by Sterling Camden

Chipping the web

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The magic word

June 20th, 2009 3:29:44 pm pst by Sterling Camden

My son asked for something.  My wife said, “What’s the magic word?”

“Now!”

In response to our shocked expressions, he added, “and ‘please’.”

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Chipping the web: June 20th

June 20th, 2009 3:00:25 pm pst by Sterling Camden

Chipping the web

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